The Surprising Secret to Goals That Stick: It’s Not Willpower

Resolutions fall short for several reasons.

One, most people make them once per year, typically on New Year’s Eve. (Maybe again on their birthday.)

Two, resolutions are often super specific, creating a pass-fail feeling around them. This causes the goal to loom larger and larger as the calendar turns, and impending guilt and shame set in, making it even more difficult to achieve the desired outcome.

Three, they lack a cohesive “why” – the underpinning to support making these changes.

Instead, use a theme like…

• improved health
• more time doing things I love
• meaningful time with my children
• better credit score
• deeper relationships with people who light me up.

I take it a step further and simplify the theme in a word or two.

For instance, this year my theme is “alignment”. I realized that the big goals I have in life require everything I have, and just like a car’s wheels, if I am not aligned, I will veer off course.

A theme helps me relate everything back to its central meaning. Then I can ask the question, “Is this choice I am making aligned with… who I want to be? the life I want to create? the things that matter most to me? my values?”

In Atomic Habits, James Clear tells the story of a college rowing team that used the theme, “Does this make the boat go faster?” Then every decision ran through that filter, making it easier to choose the answer that supported the theme.

• Fast food for lunch? Nope. Opt for the healthy meal instead.
• Late-night partying? Nope. Spend time with friends but lay off the hooch and get to bed early.
• Keeping a water bottle with me at all times? Indeedy!

BUT, supercharge your theme by understanding the underlying “why”. And make it very clear.

Sure, many of us want to be healthier, but why?

To be around longer for my partner and my kids. To look good in my clothes or at the beach. To avoid the hospital.

These are all lovely reasons, but they don’t go far enough. Get specific about each one and bring it to life so it truly sinks in.

For example…

• I want to travel with my partner and kids every year and enjoy family vacations in places like the Southwest, Greece, Japan, and the Caribbean.
• I want to spend time with my grandchildren, watch them play sports, see them perform in a school play, and teach them as many life lessons as I can.
• I want my days filled with as much laughter and love as possible because that, to me, is the whole point of being alive.

Once you fully understand – on a deep soul level – exactly why you want to make changes or set goals in your life, you’re creating an internal anchor that is critical for lasting success. This is going to really help when things get hard, and your mind wants to choose the easier path of keeping the status quo. Because when you can reconnect with your deeper “why”, it ignites the spirit and gives you the spark to get over the hump.

And that’s the beauty of a simplified theme. It serves as a shortcut for recalling every reason you’re making this journey in just a few words. It’s easy to repeat and reground yourself. And as you start using this as a filter, your decisions become easier, and life feels much more aligned.

Love, you deserve to have the things that mean most to you. Truly.

Wishing you everything your heart desires,

Much love,

Barton