Most of us overlook the ultimate source of strength, love, and support – ourselves.
What We’re Missing
Our minds focus outwardly. We are wired this way. Human beings thrive in a connected community where everyone plays an important role, a key to the survival of our species. This framework provides much-needed emotional support, a key to regulating our nervous system. Yet, in modern society, we don’t have the same number of diverse, intimate relationships that we used to just 150 years ago, and much less than what our tribal ancestors had. This increasing isolation causes anxiety and stress. Our minds weren’t built to put the world on our shoulders, despite what the movies glamorize.
Modern Disconnect
So, here lies the dilemma – we are a communal species, yet most of us are on our own to a large degree. We desperately need stronger, diverse communities, but until we can bridge that gap, how can we heal our fractured minds? Where do we turn? Start where you are – YOU. Learn to develop your own inner tribe by creating a safe, loving home base within yourself where you are loved and supported unconditionally.
The Moment That Changed My Life Forever
I listened to a podcast with guest Kamal Ravikant, author of “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.” During the interview, he discussed his struggle with suicide, realizing he didn’t truly love himself. At that time, I was in the beginning stages of my inner work, trying to heal my anxiety and be the best version of myself. When I heard his words, I had to pull my car over and ugly cry, hard, for five minutes. It was true. I didn’t love myself… I was not suicidal, but I was holding my self-love hostage behind a never-ending laundry list of shoulds, shame, and have-to’s. Kamal went on to describe his self-love journey when he had an epiphany – he never forgave himself for anything. And if he didn’t forgive himself, how could he love himself?
Inner Conflict Keeps Us Stuck
For starters, be exceedingly kind to yourself. Would you be harsh, abrasive, or belittling to a child or a best friend? Then do not take these actions or use this kind of language towards yourself. Second, commit to unconditional self-love. You still have to own your mistakes, but they do not stand in the way of loving the pure, inner you. Otherwise, you can find yourself looking for fuck ups everywhere just to beat yourself up, precisely as I did.
Let It Go
Lastly, Kamal has a brilliant, cathartic ceremony for letting go of past transgressions. Find a quiet time and some sheet of paper. Write down every little thing you have not forgiven yourself for. When you’re done, read them quietly in your head or, better yet, out loud. Verbally forgive yourself for each one and really mean it. Then grab a match and light that shit on fire. There’s a physical release when you do this exercise, seeing your baggage disappear right before your eyes. When I did this, I had one of the best nights of sleep of my life. And to this day, I have not carried the shame from these past times of my life. I gave myself permission to let go of my past and step into my desired future. It’s time for you to do the same. Be free, my loves.
Love to you all,
Barton
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