“Ride your own ride” is a mantra told to the bicyclists participating in the 7-day, 545-mile AIDS Lifecycle event. It’s meant to keep each cyclist riding safely within their physical ability and not risk fatigue and injury because their ego is compelled to keep up with faster cyclists. This mantra also asks stronger cyclists to remain patient and kind to those who are slower than they are. Basically, “you do you, boo, and let others do the same”. When I heard this, I couldn’t help but think it has a broader application toward a more honest, joyful way of living.
Authenticity Will Set You Free
“Once, an Australian nurse named Bronnie Ware, who cared for people in the last 12 weeks of their lives, recorded their most often discussed regrets. At the top of the list, ‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me’.”
Greg McKeown, Essentialism
This is your life; when you live it honestly with yourself, you will be free just to be. Don’t try to copy somebody else or get fooled into thinking they have all the answers. That’s bullshit. Each of us has our own path to walk and our own truth to unearth. If you look anywhere else other than within, you’ll end up down the wrong road over and over again. You can always take in outside opinions and influences, but run them through the filter of your gut, your heart, and your soul and see what truly resonates for YOU.
Monkey See Monkey Do
Doing what everyone else does is a part of our DNA; it’s how we fit in. And fitting in has long been a key to our survival. Isolated humans are at risk in the natural world. Only when we band together in numbers can we overcome our physical shortcomings, and this requires being accepted. In ancient times, if you became the odd bird, you might be labeled a disruptive threat and get kicked out of the tribe. However, modern society generally allows us to live on our own and do what we want. This creates a conflict between our brain’s hardwiring to go with the crowd and our heart’s desire to live more authentically.
What’s The Worst That Will Happen?
“Look, folks are going to talk shit about you anyway, so you might as well just go ahead and do your own thing.”
RuPaul, Guru
The more I listen to my heart and soul, despite what anyone else says, the more I gain inner wisdom and ownership of myself and my life. This creates a rock-solid foundation where I can live from the inside out rather than the outside in. It is incredibly liberating. And quite frankly, it was exhausting trying to fit into everyone else’s boxes or trying to live someone else’s life. Plus, it simply didn’t work. Each of us is so incredibly unique that it’s impossible to be anyone else, and those that try (my hand raised) are quite miserable because deep down they know “this isn’t right”.
Not Easy At First, But Keep Going
Fully expressing my authentic self was not easy at first. It meant I might say or do things other people may not like or agree with. I might lose or miss out on a client, my relationships with friends and family might change, and my relationship with my wife might change. But the more I became honest with myself and others, the more I became confident and happy. And those relationships sorted themselves out. Not only that, I began to attract opportunities and new relationships that aligned with me, the true me.
Give Space & Grace To Others
Living authentically is a two-sided coin. The flip side is allowing others to do the same as well. Of course, speak up against egregious or harmful actions, but beyond that, give the space and grace for those around you to live their life, to ride their ride. The human experience is hard enough without everyone bossing each other around and being hypercritical and overly judgmental. Nobody is perfect, and there is no singular “right” way to live, except perhaps being true to ourselves and following our hearts and souls. And I believe that the more people can take this approach, the happier we’ll all be on this journey.
Love to you all,
Barton
P.S. Check out this exercise, Where Am I Holding Back, to explore how to live more authentically.
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