You cannot change what you do not understand. So, let me ask you, how well do you really know your true authentic self?
Sadly, most of us never investigate our storylines and sleepwalk through our entire lives.
My homeboy Anthony de Mello paints it bluntly. “Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep. They’re born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up.”
Why is that? Because we’re afraid to look within, not knowing what we’ll find or who we’ll become if we discover our truth, or how others around us will respond to our authenticity. Uncertainty creates fear, and if that uncertainty is our very identity and life as we know it, well that’s some pretty scary shit. It sends the ego into a tailspin and suddenly our fight-or-flight nervous system kicks into high gear, desperately looking for safety, something to latch onto. So, most people just double down on their storylines believing it’s easier to not open up Pandora’s box. But as Brené Brown smartly questions, “Did you somehow think that you were outside of Pandora’s box?”
Spoiler Alert: That scary monster in the closet is always just your coat.
We all have moments in our lives where we spent an inordinate amount of time wringing our hands with worry about an uncomfortable task or situation, all because we hate discomfort and fear the unknown. Yet when we do face our fears, it’s always less painful and arduous than the countless hours of anxious thoughts leading up to it.
Don’t get me wrong, when I put on my miner’s hat, switched on the light, and began to explore the depths of who I thought I was, it was like suddenly the ground was no longer solid beneath my feet. I was scared, and completely unsure of myself, not knowing where this investigation would lead, or what my life would become.
This is not a brief, easy journey, or everyone would be doing it (and for humanity, I wish more people would). It’s really uncomfortable. One day I felt like I broke through and the next I was lost again. But the longer I stuck with awareness and curiosity, the more I discovered the true inner me and I began to find my footing once again, this time on my own path rather than the one prescribed by someone else.
The Real Trick: Understand and question your programming.
From the earliest days of childhood all the way up to today, we are told how things work and who we are. This is a wonderful mechanism for helping us step out into the world and navigate life, but unless we question these claims and concepts, how do we know what’s real for us? How do we make this life our own?
Nobody has your answers but you. Every human being is a completely unique universe unto themself, a vast, complex make-up of experiences, environments, relationships, and circumstances. The only person we can truly know and be is ourselves, and when we do, that is a very liberating feeling. The most important step to take is to be 100% honest with ourselves and start asking better questions.
Here are two tools for getting started.
- Write down your beliefs and ask yourself, “Do I really believe this? Or am I just repeating what someone else told me?”
In order for you to take an objective look at your thoughts you have to write them down. If they just sit in your head, you identify with them. Get them onto paper so you can literally see them.
After each one, pause before trying to answer whether you believe it or not. Take your time and really sit each statement. See how you feel (in your gut and your heart), not what your monkey brain thinks is the answer.
- Take a deeper look at your life from the past all the way through to the present.
The most powerful way to investigate your storylines is to write about your life. This was an eye-opening experience that helped me explain and understand my identity at that time.
I highly recommend Jordan B. Peterson’s Self-Authoring course. It’s self-paced and provides great direction for how to objectively look at various aspects of our past and present selves.
So now what?
Maintaining awareness is, by and large, the only thing you need to do. The temptation is to start fixing things, to swing in and make changes. However, real transformation occurs when we keep our eyes wide open to the truth of ourselves and our experience. This is a long road. There are no quick answers, but stick with it and you will soon start seeing that light.
Love to you all,
Barton
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